A Wife and A Husband
by writer writing
Summary: A sequel to A Maid and A Butler. Lois and Clark are undercover as wife and husband in Las Vegas.
1. Chapter 1

"I'm still not sure how Chloe managed to talk us into going along with this assignment," Lois grumbled.

"Because you'll do anything for a story and a job at the Daily Planet, even marry me," Clark said.

"That's true, but how did you manage to get talked into it?"

"Because Chloe's persuasive and I'm a sucker."

Lois laughed but didn't take the sucker bait. Instead, she peered uncertainly into the window of what was a little, white chapel with a flashy sign displaying 'Chapel of Love'.

"Okay, so I get that we have to go undercover as a wife and husband. Now explain to me why we really have to get married."

Clark smiled, almost like it tickled him that they were getting married. "Because we will be checking into a married-couples-only hotel, where for some strange reason all the couples gamble away everything they own down to the clothes on their back. You have to have proof that you're married to sign in and they know when the license is a fake because they check up on it."

"Won't they think it strange that we got married right before we checked in?"

"They'll think we're on our honeymoon and this is Las Vegas. People get married, even to strangers, like marriage is going out of style. We'll hardly stick out."

"Yeah, but those people are usually drunk That's why they should make it a law that you can't get a license immediately or at least wait until the hangover kicks in."

"Where's your sense of romance?"

"Maybe I can find it at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey. I would feel better if I was drunk."

"You know how long it takes you before you even begin to resemble drunkenness and being on assignment, you have to keep your senses about you. Don't worry. The marriage is fake. We'll have no problem getting it annulled."

"Yeah, you're right. I'm being stupid." She took a deep breath. "Let's do this."

They went into the chapel. They walked up to the desk, where a middle-aged couple sat.

"We'd like to get married," Clark said.

"That's usually why people come in here," the woman smiled. "Let's see it's 8:00 now. We have a couple coming in at 8:30. Right, Bill?"

Bill nodded to confirm it.

"You'll have to fill out this form," she told them.

Clark took it and started filling it out.

"Setting an appointment isn't very Las Vegas, is it?" Lois asked.

"It's good if you want a nice place and assurance that they can fit you in," the woman answered.

"Lois, what's your middle name?" Clark asked.

"None of your business," Lois replied.

"You're about to become my wife and it's necessary information for the license. I think it is my business."

"Joanne."

"That's pretty," Clark said, writing it down.

Lois rolled her eyes but looked pleased.

"What's your social security number?"

"Give me that," Lois said, snatching it from his hands. "I'll fill out my stuff. I'll have to sign anyway. Wow, I'm impressed. You got my birthday right."

"Of course, I did. I'm your husband-to-be, aren't I?"

"You'd be surprised how many husbands forget their wives' birthdays," the woman said.

"When have I ever forgot you birthday, Elizabeth?" Bill asked.

"Plenty of times."

"Here," Lois said. "Is that all you need?"

"It's not very complicated around here. I'll need to see your photo IDs, but it only takes a matter of minutes to process it and 55 dollars. Then we'll need 50 dollars for the ceremony, but there will be no blood tests or waiting period." Elizabeth said, standing up. "Oh my!"

"What?" Lois asked.

"The way you're dressed. You're not getting married like that, are you?"

"What's wrong with it?" Lois demanded, looking down at herself.

"Tennis shoes, jeans, and a Whitesnake t-shirt?"

"For your information," Lois defended herself, "Whitesnake can be very romantic."

"Yeah, she's right," Clark said, his eyes twinkling with contained laughter. "She made me a special Whitesnake CD to show just how much she loves me. You should have seen the cover—Ow!" Clark pretending it hurt when Lois jabbed him hard in the ribs.

"Aww, how sweet," Elizabeth cooed.

"You don't understand," Lois said. "I was in love. I mean I wasn't in control. I—oh, never mind." She glared at Clark and then a terrible idea popped into her head. "You know you don't have to explain anything to Clark. He's had a Las Vegas wedding before."

"What?" Bill and Elizabeth chorused.

"Lois!" Clark whispered. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, yeah. He's a pro," Lois continued.

"I am a real pastor," Bill explained, "despite my surroundings. I don't approve of marrying divorced people unless I know the circumstances."

"It's not like that," Clark assured them. "I was—drugged at the time by the girl. I didn't marry her of my own free will and it wasn't consummated. It got annulled."

"Then he dated her."

"Lois!" Clark warned. "Forgive her. We knew each other back than and she was jealous."

"I was not jealous, but I shouldn't have brought that up," Lois apologized to Clark. "I guess I just have pre-wedding jitters."

"That's ok," Clark said. "I understand."

Elizabeth put an arm around Lois. "You two love each other and you're about to make a lifetime commitment. That's what matters."

"You have no idea how last minute the decision was. If—" Lois started to say.

"We were on vacation," Clark covered. "Our family is going to be mad that they missed our wedding, but we couldn't wait anymore, could we, buttercup?"

"No, darling and please, I've asked you not to call me buttercup," Lois said through gritted teeth.

"I don't remember you saying that," he smiled sweetly and in truth, the topic had never had the need to come up.

"Come on, dear," Elizabeth said. "Since your shirt is so sentimental to the two of you, you can leave it on, but we'll find a dress to put over it." She started dragging Lois off.

Lois looked back at Clark pleadingly like if she ever needed to be rescued, now was it.

Clark just waved and smiled. He hoped he got a souvenir picture of Lois in a frilly, white wedding dress, marrying her favorite foe. This was a picture to hang up and to laugh at whenever he needed some cheering up.


	2. Chapter 2

Clark, who had came in a suit and tie, waited at the altar with the Las Vegas preacher. He eagerly waited for Lois to come through the door in a wedding dress. He expected to have a good laugh.

The preacher's wife came through the door first and went to the piano. "We'll have to do the quick vows, Bill. It's 8:24," and then she started playing the wedding march.

Lois nervously stepped out and it took Clark's breath away for a moment. He had never noticed how good Lois looked in white before. She had long sleeves and a high neckline to hide the t-shirt. The edges of the sleeves were wide, lacey, and covered half her hands. The skirt was a full one that puffed out but it was just the right amount. She wore a tiara with a veil that flowed behind it and reached to her waist. In her hands she carried a bouquet of lilies and baby breathes and on her beautiful face she carried an angry scowl.

She obviously mistook Clark's surprised face as a bad thing, so he smiled at her. That only made her angry look even more ferocious because now she thought he was laughing at her. When she got closer, he noticed 'Whitesnake' could be seen faintly through the white material that covered it and this time his smile was an amused one. She hit him as soon as she got up there, which was at a quicker pace than matched the music.

Bill began, "We are gathered here to join this man and this woman in the sight of God by holy matrimony. Do you Clark Joseph Kent take Lois Joanne Lane to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, in good times and in bad for as long as you both shall live?"

Clark said, "I do," to the traditional vows and then realized with a start that he had gazed at and told Lois the 2 words like he really loved her and meant them. Of course, he had known he had some feelings for her that he was in favor of denying but as Valentine's Day had so eventfully proven, they were there. 'She is just a friend,' he told himself. He wondered in a moment of fear if meaning what you say made it legal and binding in the eyes of the law and God. Then Lois said, "I do," with a hint of annoyance and contempt in her voice and his fears were relieved. Good, old Lois would never mean them in a million years.

"Do you have the rings?" Bill asked.

Clark realized with a start that he didn't. How could he have forgotten rings? He could find a bubblegum machine. He thought he might have seen some for sale in the lobby. Before he could decide which option to go with, Lois began lifting her skirt up. She was wearing jeans underneath. She pulled a box out of her pocket and whispered so only Clark would hear, "Jimmy loaned them to us. They're his parents'." They slipped them on and surprisingly they fit just right.

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

They gave each other a quick and friendly kiss.

The piano music started playing again and Lois went to take the dress off and hang it back up. While she was gone, Bill gave him the wedding license and to Clark's delight a wedding picture and a DVD of the ceremony. Lois came back out fairly quickly and he hurriedly stashed the picture and DVD in the inside pocket of his jacket. He kept out the license and she snatched it from his hands.

"How ironic," she remarked.

"What?" Clark was afraid to ask because Bill and Elizabeth were there.

"Clark was married in Clark County," she laughed.

Bill and Elizabeth laughed too and Elizabeth pulled put a bag of rice much to Lois' alarm.

"Did you know if you throw that, birds will eat it and then when they get a drink of water, it will swell up inside of them and kill them," Lois said.

"Don't worry, dear. We throw it inside and then vacuum it up. It won't kill the birds."

"Great," Lois muttered, as they began to get pelted by rice. They ran out hand in hand and got outside just in time to see the 8:30 couple going in.

"Run for your lives if you know what's good for you," Lois warned.

"Don't listen to her," Clark told them. "We just got married ourselves. It's fun."

The young couple smiled.

"Maybe we can hang out if you're staying in Las Vegas for awhile. I'm Rob O'Conner and this is my fiancée, Katie Thomas."

"In a few minutes, I'll be Katie O'Conner," Katie giggled.

"I'm Clark Kent and this is my wife, Lois Kent. We—"

"will be too busy to hang," Lois finished for him.

"Good luck and congratulations," Clark called back, as Lois dragged him off.

"Quit trying to strike friendships with strangers and let's get to the hotel!"

"Why, Lois, I didn't know you were so enthusiastic to start our wedding night."

"In your dreams and I'd appreciate it of you wouldn't introduce me as your wife or Lois Kent. Save it for the hotel."

"We have to get into the habit of it. Plus, we were coming out of a wedding chapel. I'm sure they suspected it."

Lois rolled her eyes and got into the waiting taxi.

"What are you looking at?" she asked on the ride.

"Our wedding picture," he smiled as he waved it in the air.

"Give it to me," she snapped.

"I don't think so. You might try to tear it up and it's more convincing if we display it in the room."

She folded her arms and didn't say anything else. Obviously because she knew he was right. It's a good thing he had kept the DVD hidden. There's no doubt she'd try to destroy that and it might come handy as blackmail material one day. As soon as the cab pulled up to the 25 story hotel with the blinking lights that read The Love and Gamble Hotel, Lois jumped out and slammed the door before the cab came to a complete stop.

The cab driver looked back, curious at Lois' behavior. Clark paid him and said, "She's anxious to get to our room. We're on our honeymoon."

The cab driver nodded with an understanding grin and Clark took the suitcases and followed Lois inside.


	3. Chapter 3

"Kent, Kent," Lois was impatiently shouting at the man behind the desk.

"It's not here, madam."

"Check again," she growled. Clark came up behind her with a friendly smile.

"Like I've told you 3 times before, Mrs. Kent, there are no Kents registered here tonight anywhere on this computer."

"Did you spell it right?" Clark asked. "K-E-N-T."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I was spelling it with an i instead of an e," the man apologized, as he typed in the right spelling.

"What moron spells Kent like that?" Lois demanded.

Clark set down the suitcases and did a very daring move. He put an arm around Lois' waist. He felt her tense up, but she had enough sense not to pull out from his grasp in front of the hotel people. "You're not exactly the best speller in the world, dear," he gently chided her.

"I can spell Kent," she muttered but out loud she said, "I was just worried that we wouldn't have a room."

"That's alright, madam. I'm the one at fault. I need to see your IDs and your marriage license."

They gave it to him and after a couple of minutes of typing things into the computer, he gave them back and said. "You're checked in. Here's your room key." Clark took it and started to pick up the bags.

"Don't worry about your bags, sir. The bellhop will take them right up to your room. They'll probably get there before you do."

Clark nodded and they headed toward the elevators. "Look, Lois, a fountain."

"Big deal. Let's go."

"It's pretty. Don't you want to stop and look at it?"

"It's a stupid fountain. It shoots out water. What's there to look at? What are you doing?" she asked, smacking his hand away.

"I'm trying to hold your hand. That's what couples do and don't forget we're still around other people. We're acting more like an old, married couple trying to rekindle romance than newlyweds. It would help if we stop and look at things like we have all the time in the world. Everything's beautiful when you're in love."

She let out a heavy sigh but then took his hand and squealed, "Clarkie, a fountain! Can I have a penny to make a wish?"

He smiled at her exaggerated enthusiasm. He dug through his pocket and found a penny. Lois, still holding onto his hand, turned around, closed her eyes briefly, and threw the penny over her shoulder. Then they continued their trek to the elevators.

"What did you wish for?" Clark asked with a grin, swinging her hand playfully.

She grinned back but her voice was deadly serious, "I wished that as soon as this is over, I'll never have to spend another moment with you ever again."

"Uh-oh."

"What?"

"You told your wish. Now the reverse is going to happen. You'll have to spend every moment of your life with me."

"Don't even joke like that," she said, pushing the elevator button.

"Maybe other lives too."

"Shut up," she said as the elevator dinged and they got on it. They were silent as the elevator climbed to the 15th floor until Clark said, "Do you know what some couples do in the elevator?"

"Clark, I swear you have been driving me crazier than normal over this marriage stuff and I've been pretty patient thus far but one more unnecessary taunt and I will become a widow."

"Lighten up, Lois. You tease me way more than I tease you and it's not like we get married every day. You have to admit all this is a little funny."

"Just remember you were warned."

"Okay, I'll stop but only because you're my wife." She glared at him and she tightened her fist. "Last one I promise."

They got off and found their room. Lois quickly surveyed the suite and said, "Not bad, considering the paper's paying for this. I'll have to try out the Jacuzzi some time. Let's go down to the casino now."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not? It's what we came here for."

"We don't want them to know that. Think about it. Newlywed couples don't go to a hotel to gamble their first night there. They—"

"I know what they do. What the heck are you doing?"

Clark had rubbed off some of Lois' lipstick and rubbed it onto his own lips.

"Smallville, are you feeling okay? If you wanted some lipstick, all you had to do was ask."

He didn't answer but messed up her hair. Then he grabbed her and whirled her around, so that his back was facing the door.

The door clicked and the bellhop came in with their bags. They both looked at him. The bellhop stuttered and blushed, "I—I'm sorry for interrupting." He quickly set the suitcases down and shut the door.

"What was the point of that?" she whispered angrily, incase the bellhop was still in earshot.

"We've got to play the part. How would it look if we were just standing and talking?"

"Like hormones don't rule over our brains and how did you even know there was someone out there?"

"Count your blessings. I could have actually kissed you."

"But we both know you're smarter than that."

Clark smiled, considering he'd let her kiss him twice, he must have been very dumb. He could only imagine what she would say if she knew that bit of information.

"Quit smirking," Lois interrupted his thoughts. "I don't know about you but I have a touch of jetlag, so I'm going to turn in early. You're taking the couch as usual."

"Lois—"

"Let me guess you don't think that's a good idea. Fine, I'll take the couch."

"It's not that. What if the maid comes in and sees us sleeping separately? They can get into our room without our permission."

"That's what they make the Do Not Disturb sign for. It's even written in 10 different languages."

"Better safe than sorry."

"I suppose you're right but just how far do you want to carry this, in the name of being convincing? Maybe I should have your baby too."

"Actually, that's not a bad idea."

"Clark!"

"I'm joking," he said, throwing up his hands and laughing.

"I told you once about joking, especially with someone who will be sleeping right next to you all night and we're sleeping in all of our clothes."

"No argument from me."

"No, I mean all of our clothes. Open up your suitcase."

"Lois, that's a little extreme. We'd get too hot."

She sighed. "I get the bathroom first and I get to pick the side I want. I also reserve the right to kick you out of bed anytime I want to."

"That's okay with me."

She grabbed up her traveling case and went into the bathroom.

Clark laughed. He was still getting a kick out of the situation. Especially because it was the first time he could recall getting the upper hand with Lois in their constant battles and holding it for so long. "No one ever told me reporting was this much fun."


	4. Chapter 4

Lois woke up that morning to find Clark awake and wearing one of the hotel robes that came with the room. He threw the other one at her.

"What's this?" Lois asked, catching it before it hit her.

"I didn't know your reflexes were so good when you just woke up. It's a robe."

"I know that."

"I think it's a good idea to have them on when room service comes. It makes everything more believable. Make sure you can't see clothes poking out underneath."

"I want scrambled eggs, bacon, and pancakes."

"Coffee?"

"Of course, that goes without saying."

He picked up the phone to order and Lois headed for the bathroom to get ready.

"We are going to the casino after breakfast, right?" she asked before she shut the door.

Clark nodded, as he was already on the phone ordering.

After breakfast and after they had gotten dressed, they went downstairs. They were about to go into the casino when they heard, "Clark, Lois!"

They whirled around in surprise, wondering and worrying who they knew that they could possibly have run into here. It was Rob and Katie.

"Let's run," Lois whispered.

"It won't hurt us to say hello.

"I can't believe this. We get married at the same place and now we're going to spend our honeymoon at the same place. The chances are one in a million. It must be fate telling us to be BFF," Katie gushed.

"Best Friends Forever?" Lois said. "That's a term I haven't heard since middle school."

"Have you all had breakfast?" Rob asked.

"Yes, we did," Clark answered.

"So did we," Katie said enthusiastically.

"And we're about to go check out the casino, so if you'll excuse us," Lois said.

"Oh, no," Katie said. "You have to see the sights of Las Vegas. Save the casino for the evening. You can come with us."

"You really must," Rob said.

"No, thank you," Lois said impatiently.

"Honey, we haven't even talked about it," Clark said. "Excuse us for a moment."

"The casino is right there," Lois said, pointing. "The reason why we came, remember?"

"We have a week to work on this. If we can start a friendship with them and find out they're trustworthy people, it might be nice to have backup and at the very least, we'll have an excuse to question and watch their behavior in the casino."

"Maybe."

"And of course, there's the added plus that we don't look like we're desperate to go into the casino."

"Oh, alright."

They went back to the waiting couple.

"We'd love to come with you," Clark said.

"Great," Rob said, waving a bunch of brochures. "We have all the info on the hot spots. I'd love to catch this show."

"Oh, no, darling." Katie whined. "It's a musical. You know how much I hate musicals. I wanted to go on a drive through the desert before it gets too hot."

"The show's at 10, dear. I don't want to miss it. We can see the desert any time on the trip," Rob argued.

Katie pouted by sticking out her bottom lip.

"I've got an idea," Rob said, as if he just discovered a cure for cancer. "Clark and I can go see the show and you girls can see the desert. Then we can all meet for lunch back at the hotel.

"Oh, darling, you're a genius!" Katie smiled, her pout gone.

"Did you two rent a car or bring your own?" Rob asked.

"We take cabs," Clark told him.

"How urban. It would cost more to take a drive. You girls take the rented car," Rob said, tossing the keys at Katie.

"Oh, Rob. You know I can't catch," Katie complained, as she picked up the keys off the floor.

A little later Katie and Lois were driving down a road in the desert.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Katie asked, looking at a cactus.

"It's wonderful," Lois replied, "but I'd prefer that you look less at the scenery and more at the road."

"Oh, Lois, you're a hoot. There's nobody for miles."

"And I couldn't be happier about that," Lois quipped, as the car sputtered and died.

"Oh, no! Lois, what are we going to do?"

"The first thing you're going to do is not get hysterical. I'm going to go out and check the car."

Lois checked the gasoline tank first to make sure they still had gas. Then she popped the hood to take a look at the engine. Katie got out to take a look too.

"How does it look?" Katie asked.

"Not good. This car isn't going anywhere. It'll need a tow truck and a new battery."

"Are you a mechanic?" Katie asked in awe.

"I don't know a thing about cars but I figure when acid has leaked all over the engine, it isn't good," Lois said, putting the hood back down. They went back inside the car.

"Crap," Lois said. "The charge on my cell phone is gone already. I need to find a better phone. Oh well, at least you have your cell phone."

"Uh…not so much. I kind of left it in my room."

"I hope this has taught you to keep your cell phone with you at all times. Now we're going to die."

Katie's eyes began to well up with tears and she was getting ready to scream.

"Relax. I was being sarcastic. It's what I do. We can survive this thing but considering the air conditioner is no longer functional, it's not a good idea to stay in the car. Cars are hotter than the outdoors. I bet you're glad I talked you into taking the time to get some thermoses now. Take your purse and grab a thermos of water and let's start hiking back."

"Can—can we do that?"

"We'll have to do it. Look at Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner. They run around the desert the whole cartoon and never break a sweat. We'll be fine."

"Yeah, but they're desert animals and we're not."

"You're smarter than I gave you credit for, Katie. Look on the bright side. Maybe we'll get to see a mirage. Don't look so worried. I'm sure someone will come along and pick us up."

"Hitchhiking is dangerous."

"So is staying out in the desert for prolonged periods of time and besides, I'm practically a stranger and you rode with me."

"True."

"Hurry up."

10 minutes later…

"Please let's stop and take a drink of water," Katie said.

"Go ahead but don't drink too much. It'll have to last. Look, it's our lucky day, a car's coming."

Lois and Katie frantically waved their arms and the car stopped. The driver cracked the window and asked wearily, "Yes?"

"Do you have to ask?" Lois said. "Our car broke down and we need a ride back to the city."

"I'm sorry, ladies. I can't take hitchhikers, but if you need me to give someone a message, I'd be glad too."

"We need you to leave a message at the Love and Gamble Hotel," Lois said. "Our husbands will be there by lunchtime. Tell them when they find 2 dead broads in the desert, it'll be us."

Katie had out a pen and paper and was writing like crazy. She slipped the paper through the crack. "If it turns out this really is the end, tell my husband I loved being his wife even it was only for a day."

"Tell my husband that it's all his fault I'm out here instead of at the casino and I will come back to haunt him."

"Lois, you don't want those to be your last words to him."

"Oh, but I do."

"Las Vegas?" the man asked, reading the paper. "I'm not heading through there and I'm not stopping anywhere until tonight. If I run across a place with a phone, I'll be sure to call for you."

"Don't bother," Lois said. "We'll be dead or back in Las Vegas by then."

The car took off and Lois shook her head. Annoyed and philosophical at the same time, she said, "The age of chivalry is long gone. There's nothing to do but keep going."


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm hot and tired," Katie complained.

"Welcome to the desert," Lois said.

"I want to go back to South Dakota. We have harsh, cold winters there. How much longer until we reach Las Vegas?"

"I don't know. We passed the 15 mile marker a little while ago. I'd say maybe 14."

They heard the sound of a strained engine. They looked back and saw a big van, making its way down the road. They waved their arms and the van stopped for them. The man in the passenger's seat opened his door wide in a welcoming gesture. He had long, greasy hair. He wore flip flops, shorts, and a tie-dye shirt. His eyes looked a little glazed but friendly. The van itself was at least 30 years old and lucky to be holding together, much less moving. The floor of the van was so littered with trash, you couldn't see what the color of the carpet was.

"You chicks need a ride? Hop on in. We'll take you."

"No," Katie said immediately.

"Don't go anywhere," Lois ordered. "I need to talk to my friend for a second. Stay."

"Take your time," the 50-something year old man said.

"They're hippies," Katie whined, once they were a little ways away.

"They're hippies with wheels."

"What if they have drugs buried in the trash somewhere? The police will pull them over and we'll all be arrested."

"And taken to an air-conditioned jail with water. I fail to see the problem. If you want to keep walking, more power to you but I'm taking the flower power route and riding in the hippie van."

Katie sighed. "I guess it's our only option at this point." She walked back over with Lois and said, "We accept the ride."

"Groovy," the man replied.

Lois climbed in first and waded her way through the trash and then Katie climbed in. She didn't say anything but Katie obviously wasn't pleased to find there were no seatbelts where they were sitting.

"That's Star and Flower in the back. They're twin sisters." The 2 older women waved. "The dude driving is Dave and I'm Rock."

"No," Dave said. "You're Stone."

"I thought I was Rock. I knew it was some kind of mineral. Anyway, we're a band. Back in the 70s there used to be 10 of us, but now we're down to 4. We're going to keep on rocking when we're old, just like the Rolling Stones. Only death will stop us."

"That's lovely," Lois said nonchalantly, but Katie shifted uncomfortably and tried her best not to look scared.

"We have a gig in Las Vegas," Stone said. "Is that where you're going too?"

The girls nodded. It wasn't long before they came to Las Vegas or before they found themselves in a bad part of the city.

"This is where we're playing," Stone said, pointing to a bar. "You want to come see us play? We can take you wherever you want to go afterwards."

"No, thank you," Lois said. "We don't have the time but thanks for all your help."

"Yeah, thanks," Katie mumbled.

"No problem," Stone said. "Peace out."

Lois and Katie were left on the street.

"Do you have any idea where we are?" Katie asked.

"I'm completely lost and it seems unlikely that taxis come through here very often. We just have to find the nicest looking place and ask to use the phone or at least ask for directions."

Katie nodded and scanned the street. "What about that place over there with the cats? It's a pretty nice looking place and I love their cat sign. Let's go get our picture taken in front of it."

"I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"The sign says Las Vegas Cathouse. Do you know what that means?"

"No," Katie said innocently, taking out her camera. "Come on. It'll be fun and we can remember the time we spent together."

"Yeah, because it's been such a blast. If it'll keep you quiet, I'll do it but I wouldn't display it in the family album. I guess we might as well ask to use a phone here. It looks like it's the only place with any class at all."

They went over to the sign and a woman in a long jacket was heading for the building.

"Can you take our picture?" Katie asked, handing her the camera.

The young woman frowned and looked confused.

"Just do what she says," Lois told her.

She snapped the picture and gave it back. Then she hurried toward the building.

"I hope the picture turned out," Katie said.

"Yep, it'll be one to show the grandkids."

They started for the building themselves.

"Now why didn't we think of dressing more like that? I bet she's not hot," Katie said. She was referring to the same woman who had taken their picture and who was now scantily clad. She was leaning against the building, taking a smoke before she started work.

"Why aren't we going through the front door?" Katie asked, as Lois led the way around the side of a building.

"I have a feeling it's for men only, unless you work there."

They found a side door.

"Excuse—" Lois stopped when she got a good look at the people behind the door.

There were 2 people in the small room. An elderly lady and a 6 foot, beefy man were counting a huge wad of cash. It was apparent that they weren't law-abiding citizens and they hadn't obtained the money legally. The gun that was lying on the table didn't take away from that insinuation.

"We need to use a phone or get some directions," Katie chimed in cheerfully, not recognizing the danger.

The man, who had looked surprised before, now said calmly in his deep voice, "There's a cab company just a couple of blocks to the right. They can take you wherever you want to go."

"Thank you," Lois said quickly, shutting the door. She pushed Katie forward. "Let's hurry up and get out of here. We didn't see a thing until we're farther away from here."

"See what?"

"Were you raised in a convent, but I suppose it's your naivety that got us out of that situation. Hurry up. Walk faster."

Before they got off the premises, it seemed cops came out of nowhere and surrounded the place. Sirens were blaring and lights were flashing. Men and women began fleeing from the building. The cops were only interested in grabbing the women. There weren't enough to grab everybody. Lois and Katie were pushed against a tree by a couple of cops. The tree trunks in Las Vegas, or at least this tree trunk, were not very soft. They were prickly. The cops checked for weapons. Lois knew nothing they could say or do was going to keep them from getting arrested.

Katie was livid and asked the cop, "What are you doing?" She looked over at Lois. "What's going on?"

"They think we're prostitutes."

There was a word Katie knew. She turned red from embarrassment and didn't say anything else.

Lois felt as the cold, steel cuffs were clamped onto her wrists. The cop pushed her toward the direction of the police cars. "And this day just keeps on getting better and better," Lois muttered.


	6. Chapter 6

Lois heard the cell door clank behind her. It wasn't the first time Lois had found herself behind bars. Katie, however, was starting to hyperventilate.

"Relax," Lois said. "Take slow, deep breathes. It's going to be fine. Let's hurry up and grab a seat on the bench before more girls are thrown in here."

The jail was already overflowing. Katie looked pale and clenched the underside of the bench, as she stuttered, "They—they took our pictures and our—our fingerprints."

"It's no big deal. We won't be convicted. You used your call for the hotel. As soon as they get the message, they'll come down. My call went for a lawyer, just in case they don't get it. We'll explain our extremely unlucky circumstances and we'll be released. It's as simple as that."

"Really?" Katie asked, unsure they would ever see the light of day again.

"I'm sure," Lois said. "I've been through the system before, under different circumstances of course."

A woman with frizzy red hair, who was on Lois' other side joined the conversation. "Is this the kid's first time in the slammer? She better get used to it. It comes with the profession."

"But—but we're not in the profession," Katie stammered. "It's all a misunderstanding."

"What do you do then?" she asked.

"I'm an interior decorator."

"I've never heard that one before. You decorate the bed?"

Katie looked disgusted. "No, I decorate houses. I'm going to school to become an interior decorator."

"Oh, it's just until you get through school. You're lucky. I have 2 sons to raise. They're 5 and 6."

Katie threw her head into her hands, giving up on trying to convince her.

"Sons, huh?" Lois asked. "You couldn't find a job as a waitress? What are they going to do when their teachers ask them what their mommy does for a living?"

"That's what I tell them I am, a waitress, and I do serve food sometimes. Don't lecture me, please. I know it's not a great job, but it's the best I can do. I have no skills and waitressing just doesn't pay enough. I can't get out. So what's your 'profession'?" she asked using air quotes at profession.

"I'm a reporter."

"That's a clever one. Do you have a little reporter's jacket and hat? I'm a nurse myself, bedside manner and all that. It's not the most original one, but it's a classic."

"For goodness sakes," Katie said, lifting her head up, "we have husbands!"

"Your husbands loan you out?"

A cop opened the cell door. "Mrs. O'Connor and Mrs. Kent, you're free to go."

"There's always a way out," Lois told the woman before she left.

When they got out to the front, they found Rob and Clark waiting for them. Katie ran to Rob and kissed him. Lois walked and when she got to Clark, she hit him.

"What was that for?" Clark asked. "You should be thanking me for proving your innocence. By the way, how did it happen?"

"Broke down, picked up by hippies, dropped off in bad part of town, and that's all I have to say on the matter. If it weren't for you, I would be at the casino right now."

Clark was wise enough to realize Lois had had an unusually bad day and not to press for details.

Back at the hotel, he asked her if she wanted to go to the casino. She didn't answer but headed for the elevator.

"I'm taking that as a no," Clark said.

"I'm tired. I just want to go to bed."

"It's only 2:00. Are you sure?"

"Yes. It probably means I'll be up extra early tomorrow and so help me, Clark, I don't care if the president or Elvis Presley is staying in this hotel and wants to give us an interview, we're going to the casino."

"Really? I think Elvis Presley would be the bigger story."

Lois glared.

"Got it. No time for jokes. Have you had lunch yet?"

"No, maybe I'll wake up for supper. You know if Katie and I were 2 fat, old ladies, I bet we wouldn't have been arrested."

"I don't know. I bet old men go there and some probably like plump women their own age and some young men might even like older women. It takes all kinds."

"That didn't really require an answer but thanks anyway for the disturbing images."

They went into the room and Lois flopped onto the bed. Clark laid down with her.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"We've got to be on the same sleeping schedule if we can."

"Whatever," she mumbled, shutting her eyes.

"You should have seen the musical. I still don't know what it was about and it was in English. All I know is people were singing, not very well either or dancing well for that matter. Katie would have probably dragged Rob out of there. It only had women in it and they were barely dressed. That was probably the plot of the show."

"I'm trying really hard not to smack you right now. Help me out by shutting your mouth."

"Sorry," he apologized.

Before Lois could fall asleep though, the phone rang.

"I bet it's Rob and Katie," Lois complained. "Who else would call us in our hotel room? Don't answer it."

"It could be important. Hello?...Mom?"

Lois' eyes opened wide and she sat up, straining to hear. Clark put the phone between them, so they could both hear.

"Yes, son. This is your mother," her voice sounded like it could hardly contain its excitement and laughter. "I've been trying to call you at the farm. Finally I decided to call Chloe because she usually knows where you are, but she told me she couldn't tell me. I was even more curious when she said that and the fact that Lois was missing too didn't soothe my curiosity. A friend of mine, who has a job at the Planet now, told me that rumor around the office has it that you two went to Las Vegas to elope. She tracked down your hotel and room number for me. Quite an interesting story, don't you think?"

"I can explain, Mom."

"Oh, don't bother. I go to Washington for just a little while and I miss everything. I'm so happy for you two. I knew it was only a matter of time."

"What?" Clark and Lois cried at the same time.

"Hi, Lois. I'm glad you're both on the phone. I am a little mad that I wasn't invited to your wedding, but I'll get over it. Now Lois is officially my daughter. We have to have a big party as soon as you get back to Smallville."

"Mom? Slow down. We're undercover."

"Undercover?" Martha repeated in a disappointed tone. "You mean you didn't get married?"

"Well, sort of. It's a long story that we'll tell you as soon as we're done, but be forewarned it's a story that will end in divorce or annulment."

"But wait a minute. You're in bed together, aren't you? Phones are usually right beside the bed in hotels."

"No, Mrs. Kent! I mean kind of, but we'd never—"

"I'm sorry. I have a meeting to get to. So let me get this straight. You're not married in the true sense of the word?"

"Yes," Clark and Lois said together, both relieved to have gotten it across.

They said their goodbyes.

"I'm glad that's over," Lois said. "That could have ended up being a disaster if more people got the wrong idea."

"Are you kidding me? Mom probably told somebody."

"She's not a blabbermouth. She can keep secrets."

"Sure. She can keep secrets, but if she's got some good news, she likes to share. The whole town of Smallville will know and be under the allusion that we got married before the sun sets. It's much easier to spread fabrications than the truth, especially when the truth comes second and isn't as scandalous."

"The whole town?" Lois asked.

"There'll be smoke signals, town criers, the works."

Lois threw herself back on the bed. "This is only going to get worse. I have a gut feeling."

Right after she said that, the phone rang again and Lois put the pillow over head and groaned.


	7. Chapter 7

"Clark, if you had any sense at all, you wouldn't answer that."

He laughed and answered the phone anyway, but his smile quickly disappeared when he found out who it was. He didn't need to hold the phone next to Lois this time because General Lane's yelling could be heard quite well.

"Did you marry my daughter?"

"No, sir. Yes, sir. I mean kind of, sir."

"Martha Kent called me up and told me our children had gotten married!"

"She didn't know that it was just for a story. It's just as a cover for a married couples-only hotel on a story Lois is working on."

"Are you in bed with my daughter?"

Clark jumped up so fast, Lois almost didn't see him do it. "No, sir!"

"See that you keep it that way, Kent and if you so much as look at my daughter cross-eyed, I'll rip your liver out. See that you get this story done quickly and remember I have eyes everywhere!"

There was a click and dial tone, indicating that he had hung up, so Clark put the phone back on the hook. Lois smiled.

"What?" Clark asked, wondering what she could find funny about this.

"You're afraid of my father."

"I am not," he replied, but he didn't sound very convincing.

"Don't worry about it, Smallville. Braver men than you have lost courage in his presence or phone presence in your case."

"I'm not afraid."

She stood up and patted him on the arm. "You keep telling yourself that. Come on let's go down to the casino."

"I thought you were tired?"

"I was, but I don't want to have to explain everything to every single person who calls. It's possible that the General may have told Lucy and it's more than possible that your mom told Lana."

"Lana? Why?"

"Think about it. She thought we eloped. Your mom doesn't want anyone to get their feelings hurt. She wouldn't have wanted Lana to find out from an unkind mouth and since she seemed busy, she probably hasn't gotten a chance to tell her better."

"Maybe we should go, but if you're really tired, we could just disconnect the phone."

"No, I'm awake now. I'm going to the casino with or without you this time," she said, opening the door.

"I'm coming," he said, following her out.

Lois went into the casino first.

"Okay," Clark said. "Do you want to split up to talk to people and look at the games or-"

"I want to play," Lois said, digging through her pockets for money.

"Lois, be serious."

"I am," she said, finding a little over a dollar in change.

"One game and that's it," Clark said, giving in.

Lois chose a traditional one. She put a dollar in the slot machine and pulled the lever. It came up a lemon, cherries, and an orange.

"That's too bad. You lost and wasted a dollar for nothing. I hope that's taught you something about gambling. You could have brought something useful with it like a drink, but now it's gone forev-What are you doing?" Clark asked, jumping back.

Lois had been digging in his pockets for money.

"I'll win next time. I know it."

"Lois, playing once is one thing but-"

"Just give me a dollar!"

"Don't you want to work on the story?"

"I want to gamble."

"Lois, this isn't like you. What's the matter?" he asked, grabbing her so he could take a good look at her.

"Just let me play the game. I have to."

Clark knew she wasn't joking around. She was still struggling to get out of his grasp. He had to get her away from here without drawing attention to themselves. He spotted a supply closet in the back of the casino. Maybe it would be enough to snap her out of it if she couldn't see the gambling going on. She fought him all the way to the closet, but he kept his arm firmly about her waist. If he hadn't been super, he wouldn't have been able to do it. No one noticed them because they were all into their games. After a few seconds of being in the closet, she blinked a couple of times and shook her head as if coming out of a spell.

"What happened? Where are we?" she asked.

Clark gave a sigh of relief to know it wasn't permanent. "In the casino's supply closet."

She glanced at the decks of cards and picked up a few poker chips from the box and let it slide through her finger back into its container. "I figured that much but how did we get back here? I don't remember it."

Clark almost told her everything that happened but how was he going to explain why he wasn't affected? As long as her memory was foggy about the incident, he could tell her a half truth. "I don't know. I think the room, the machines, or something gives a person the irrepressible urge to gamble."

"I do sort of remember the desire to gamble being overpowering and that's weird. I mean I've gambled before, maybe got a little passionate about it, but I'm not the type to let it take over."

"We knew there had to be some reason the couples were gambling away everything they owned."

"I still don't understand how we were able to escape it."

"Maybe we were looking for chips or something."

"Maybe."

"Lois, do you trust me?"

"Uh…I guess. Why?"

"Play along."

Before she could question him further, his lips crashed against hers.


	8. Chapter 8

Lois was completely lost in the kiss. It reminded her of another kiss, but she couldn't put her finger on it, mainly because her fingers were distracted running themselves through Clark's hair. Clark had forgotten why he had kissed her in the first place. He couldn't figure out why her kisses were so mind-numbing. They were like a drug, figuratively speaking, except of course when they'd had red kryptonite on them.

The door opening snapped them back to reality and they pulled away.

The middle aged man standing there was not surprised, embarrassed, or amused at the sight of them. "Mr. Luthor would like to see you." Out of all the words that could have come out of his mouth, that was not what Clark and Lois were expecting him to say. "Follow me and stay against the wall."

They passed the casino full of crazed gamblers. This time Lois wasn't one of them. They went up to a suite combination office. Lex's chair was facing toward the window, but he slowly swiveled around to face them.

"You've been watching too many evil businessman movies. Real ones don't do the cliché chair move," Lois said.

He smiled. "I'll make a note of that. Leave, Hanson. I'd like to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Kent alone please."

As soon as he was gone, Lex said, "Well, well, well, here we have the 2 people voted least likely to get married. I'm flattered you chose my hotel to spend your honeymoon."

"Cut the crap, Lex," Lois said. "What do you want?"

"What? I can't congratulate you, but as long as we're crap-cutting, it's obvious you two aren't really married, but I've heard you two have been putting on a splendid show. Maybe one day you'll really get married to each other."

"You're not here to talk about our wedding plans," Lois said. "You know I guess it shouldn't surprise me. Where there's corruption, there's a Luthor."

"Charming saying," Lex said. "I think I'll have it framed. The problem is there is no corruption going on in this establishment."

"Oh, no?" Lois asked threateningly. "People aren't overcome by gambling?"

"It's called the magic of Las Vegas. I think you've worn out your welcome. You'll get a refund for the days you won't be here of course. "Now should I give the money to you or the Daily Planet?"

"We're not going to leave until we've uncovered your dirty scam. Is it some kind of chemical? A meteor r—"

"Lois, this is Lex's hotel. If he says we have to leave, then we have to leave or security will escort us out," Clark said, speaking for the first time.

"He's a smart man, Lois. You better listen."

Clark gently nudged her out into the hall.

" Clark, are we just going to give up?"

"We're not giving up," he whispered in hushed tones, "but we do have to leave. I'll tell you more when we get to our room. There are cameras out in the halls."

"Can you believe it? Lex Luthor owns a hotel all the way out in Las Vegas. Is there anywhere his filthy hands don't reach? I bet he's making tons off of this and it all seems legit because it comes from the gamblers. I wonder if I gambled in the casino?" She felt in her pockets. "My change is gone. That scumbag has my dollar! Lex Luthor's a freaking billionaire and he took my dollar!"

Clark's mouth twitched, as he tried to hold back a smile. "I'll give you a dollar if you want it."

"It's the principle of the thing. Did you know he owned this place?"

"I took a look at the owner before we came here. It was listed as Alex L. I guess I should have figured it out, but he always goes by Lex and there are a lot of Alex L.'s in the world."

They finally reached their room. Once he shut the door, he brought her close to him and whispered in her ear. "I don't want anyone to hear this," he said, explaining their closeness. "Rob and Katie are our solution."

Lois had to really concentrate to hear what he was saying. She couldn't get the kiss out of her mind and he was so close. His breath tickling her ear didn't help and she could still feel his lips on hers. She had to pull away. "How?"

"We'll talk about it more when we get outside. Right now we have to pack."

It didn't take them long to pack. Lois expressed regret over not getting to try out the Jacuzzi. Clark answered by saying, "I'm sorry you didn't get to try it out too." Then he blushed realizing what that sounded like and then blushed more when he realized it wasn't untrue. Lois looked at him surprised. Then she gave him a small smile. They returned their room key when they got downstairs and left the hotel, but they didn't walk too far away.

"Okay, so what about Rob and Katie?" Lois asked.

"They can help us. I'm sure if we tell them the situation. They'd be more than willing to help."

"But how?"

"We'll give them a microphone, so that we can communicate and tell them what they need to do. They can stay against the wall in the casino and break into rooms if we need to."

"Can't we do it ourselves with a disguise or something?"

"Remember how hard it was to get in? There's a reason we got married."

"But doesn't Perry White want us to do it on our own?"

"He wants us to get a story without the help of other reporters to make sure we can do the work, but a good reporter uses whoever they can to get the story."

"Have you met these people though? Rob's into musicals and Katie has the IQ of a rock. Rob's not much better I suppose, but I shouldn't be insulting rocks."

"I admit they're a little scattered."

"Clark, they're imbeciles. If they see a bright shiny object and there's more than enough of those in this city, they'll abandon their post."

"I doubt that and they're our only hope right now if we're going to nail this story."

"Our only hope? That's sad. The Adventures of Katie and Rob," Lois said. "If anything, this should be educational and make for a hit show."


	9. Chapter 9

Clark called Katie and Rob's room and told them that they wanted to meet them in the alley at the end of the street. They were hiding behind the dumpster.

"Over here," Clark called out as quietly as possible when they got there.

Katie and Rob looked up and then around them as they tried to figure out where the voice was coming from.

"Oh, yeah, Smallville. You can just tell they're going to make brilliant investigators," she whispered at Clark and in a louder voice, she called out, "Behind the dumpster!"

They came behind the dumpster with puzzled expressions.

"What's up?" Rob asked.

"We need some help," Clark explained, "We're-"

"It stinks back here," Katie interrupted, wrinkling up her nose in disgust and pinching her nostrils shut.

"We're next to a large container of trash," Lois said. "It's hardly going to smell like posies. Now let Clark talk."

"We're reporters," Clark continued, "and we know the Love and Gamble Hotel has some illegal practices. That's why we came here to uncover it. The problem is we've been discovered and kicked out. We need somebody on the inside."

"You mean like Nancy Drew?" Katie squealed excitedly. "You want us to play Nancy Drew?"

"A Hardy boy for me," Rob felt the need to clarify, "but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. We wouldn't know what to do."

Lois pulled out little devices that would fit into their ears and out of sight. "This is where these come in."

A few minutes later, Clark and Lois were still behind the dumpster, but they had headsets on and Katie and Rob weren't there.

"Katie, can you hear me?" Lois asked.

"Roger that," Katie said rather loudly and cheerfully. "Why is everyone in the lobby looking at me?"

"You have to talk quietly and only if you're sure others can't hear you or at least make it look like you're talking to Rob and don't use talk like roger and copy, please. Where is Rob?"

"He had to go to the bathroom," Katie and Clark answered at the same time.

"Katie, go ahead and go into the casino. Just remember to stay against the wall. All you're going to do is observe. If anyone asks what you're doing, you're waiting for your husband."

"Oh my goodness!" Katie said suddenly.

"What?" Lois asked, worried something had gone wrong.

"A gift shop. I didn't even see it before. I have to go see what they're selling!"

"Katie, not right now. You're on a mission."

"What nice pens and they're only 99 cents."

"Katie."

"Oh, these are the cutest t-shirts ever."

"Katie!"

"And postcards. I have to buy one to send to my mother."

Lois had stopped trying to talk to her and was now banging her forehead against the dumpster. Clark pulled her away from it.

"Why, Clark? Why me? You know this was your idea. I told you it was a bad one. Can we at least switch people?"

"It's not a lot better. Right now Rob is singing 'Happy Birthday' and washing his hands."

"Lois, you still there? You want me to buy you something?"

Lois moved the mouthpiece back in front of her mouth. "No, listen hurry up and buy your postcard. Rob is done. Meet him back out in the lobby and go in together."

Katie and Rob finally made it into the casino and leaned up against the wall, following instructions.

After a minute or 2, Katie let out a bored sigh. "They're just gambling."

"Keep watching," Lois said. "It isn't ordinary gambling. They're all out of control. Keep a lookout for anything unusual or suspicious like somebody spraying something for example."

"Have you spotted anything?" Clark asked Rob.

"Not yet—oh no."

"What?" Clark asked in a concerned tone.

"Someone's coming over."

"Stay calm," Clark instructed Rob. To Lois he said, "Tell Katie that too. Someone's coming."

"For all the good it'll do," she muttered but she said, "Stay calm, Katie."

"Why are you two standing around and not playing?" It was Hanson again. He was patrolling the place it seemed.

"Um," Katie said, followed by Rob's, "Uh."

They weren't very fast on their feet.

"Baptists," Lois whispered, hoping Hanson wouldn't hear.

"Baptists," Katie repeated.

Lois sighed. She was going to have to tell her word for word and it wasn't going to be quietly either.

"Tell them you're Baptists," Clark said, knowing what she meant and coming to the rescue. He knew she was about to start yelling. "Say you don't believe in gambling. You just wanted to watch, but you find the practice so repulsive, you're leaving."

Rob repeated this and then they left the casino.

"Did it look like he suspected anything?" Lois asked.

"I don't think so," Katie replied. "Well, I guess that's the end of our sleuthing."

"No, it isn't," Lois told her.

"It isn't?" Clark questioned. "They can't go back into the casino."

"I know but they can go into Lex's office."

"I don't know, Lois. That's risky," Clark said.

"It's got to be done if we're going to go get those jobs at the Daily Planet. It's on the top floor and make sure you stay out of sight of the cameras. They're in the corners of the hallways."

Katie and Rob were willing to do it. You had to give them credit. They weren't that bright, but they were good sports.

"Make sure Lex isn't in there," Clark said once they got there.

Rob knocked and there was no answer. He jiggled the knob. "It's locked," he and Katie said at the same time.

"We kind of figured that," Lois replied sarcastically.

"Rob, do you have a pocket knife?" Clark asked.

"Sure," Rob answered.

"Do you think you could pick the lock?"

"I could try."

"Switch with me," Lois said. "I can talk him through it."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," Clark said as they switched.

"Jimmy taught it to me actually. I mean I could do it a little before that but he helped me perfect it."

"Jimmy as in Jimmy Olsen? Where did he learn it?"

"He picked it up from juvie."

"Juvenile hall? What did he do?"

"I don't know. He just said it was a bum rap. I didn't question it. It is Jimmy after all. Maybe he took illegal pictures."

"Maybe."

"You're not going to go into a rampage because Chloe's dating an ex-con?"

"You said it yourself. It's Jimmy."

"If it'd been one of my boyfriends…" she muttered under her breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Hello? Are you still there?" came Rob's voice. "Hello?"

"Sorry," Lois said, after sticking it onto her head. "Find something that will fit into the lock, as small as possible. Got it?"

"Okay."

"Now gently move it. It probably has 5 pins in it. When you feel a pin, bring it down very slowly. You'll know you've done it when it turns. It's fairly easy."

"I brought one down."

"Great, feel for more and be very careful."

After another minute or so, he said, "I think I did it!" He opened the door. "I did. No door can keep me back now."

"Good job. It's a little bit of beginner's luck. Picking locks is harder than it looks. Now look around Lex's office and see what you can find about the casino."

"Katie, you'd better be the lookout," Clark told her.

A couple of minutes later, Clark was still talking to her. "Are you watching?"

"Yes. The top floor has a nice view doesn't it?"

Lois was laughing. Rob was doing his job. Lois put her hand over the mouthpiece. "She has the attention span of a 4 year old. I'm glad you took over. If it weren't for Rob. I don't know what'd we do. He's the only one with half a brain between them."

"Shhh," Clark said, covering up his own mouthpiece, "they could hear you."

"I found something," Rob declared. "I—oh no."

"I don't the sound of that," Lois said.

"I don't like the look of that man and especially his gun," Rob said.

Even though Lois didn't have Katie's headset anymore, her piercing scream came through loud and clear.


	10. Chapter 10

"Remain calm," Lois told Rob. "Clark and I will think of something." Then she looked around for Clark, but he was gone. "Or I'll think of something."

"Baptists, huh?" came Hanson's gruff voice. "You look more like snoops to me."

"We really are Baptists," Katie assured him. "We're gambling Baptists, but we're Baptists."

"I can't tell you how much that pleases me," Hanson said. "You won't be afraid when you meet your maker then."

There was a click of a gun. Lois was about to shout run but the sound of the door opening and closing was heard and then a thud. "What was that?" she asked.

"I don't know," Rob said. "There was wind and then Hanson just fell over unconscious."

Lois shook her head. The couple was even more stupid then she had originally thought. Katie had probably gotten distracted by a bird flying by and Rob probably had some sort of memory lapse to keep them from seeing what really happened. Then she saw Clark beside her again. "Where did you go?"

"I've been here all the time," he said innocently.

Lois got a little worried about herself. It appeared Katie and Rob were starting to rub off on her. "Rob keep looking. You'll have a little time if Hanson's been knocked out."

"I want to retire from being a detective," Katie moaned.

"You're alright," Clark assured her patiently.

"I think I found something," Rob said, after a couple of minutes of looking.

"He thinks he found something," Lois told Clark excitedly. "What?"

"Well, it's a document," Rob said.

"And?" Lois prodded after a few seconds of silence.

"It says…"

"It says what?" Lois asked. "Rob, I have to warn you I'm running dry on patience."

"You're going to think this is crazy, but it says that the gambling machines are sending out coded messages that tell your subconscious to gamble."

"It's not that crazy," Lois said. "Take it with you and meet us in the alley."

Lois told Clark about it.

"Another one of Lex's weird experiments," Clark said with a shake of his head.

"Yeah, and this time we may have him."

Rob and Katie came out and Rob gave Lois the paper. Clark held onto one side of the paper and they both read it together.

"It's a lot of scientific mumbo jumbo," Lois said when she got to the end of it, "but I think this is just what we need, don't you?"

"I think we should take this to the police," Clark agreed. "Katie and Rob you've been a big help. I would recommend finding another hotel and we're sorry for interrupting your honeymoon."

Katie, who had looked still looked a pale, now had color in her cheeks again and appeared to have recovered from her ordeal. She said, "It was actually kind of fun. What about you guys? Where are you staying for the rest of your honeymoon?"

Clark and Lois looked at each other with a little bit of incredulity. "Actually we're not really married. It was just for the case. We'll be getting an annulment as soon as possible," Lois said.

Katie looked heartbroken like a child who'd been told her parents were splitting up.

Clark felt bad for her. He put an arm around Lois, "We're friends though."

Katie's eyes looked watery.

"Best friends even," Clark said comfortingly.

"That's pushing it, Smallville," Lois said, knocking his arm off.

That sent Katie over the edge and she began to cry. Even Lois felt bad for her at this point. "Clark and I are bad for each other. We fight all the time. We're happy not to be married, more than happy."

Rob had put an arm around Katie. "She'll be okay. She's just sensitive. It's one of the reasons I love her. She'll be fine. You'd better go to the police before it's too late."

Clark and Lois headed out of the alley and they could hear Katie sobbing, "But they were such a cute couple."

At the police station, the cops picked up Lex Luthor for questioning. Clark and Lois waited for the results in the waiting room. Lois had made a good start on the article on her notepad. Her cell phone rang and she answered it, "Lane."

"Don't you mean Kent?" Clark whispered.

She smacked him. Then listened carefully. "Who is this?…Katie, I don't care if he is the best in the business. We do not need a marriage counselor. There is no marriage to fix. There never was. Goodbye."

Clark was laughing.

"You know what the scary part is? How did she get my number? Remind me to get it changed."

Clark was still smiling, "She means well."

"So how do you go about getting an annulment?"

"Well, you have to apply-"

Clark didn't complete his explanation when they saw Lex Luthor stroll out the door. He looked very smug, but he didn't say anything.

Clark and Lois got up and asked the sergeant, who'd been questioning him, what was going on.

The sergeant shrugged, "What he did was legal."

"Legal?" Lois echoed. "In what universe?"

"It was a secret government operation conducted by Luthor. They wanted to use his hotel. The property will be returned to the couples, who will be none the wiser. The trial period will be over tonight at 6. It was only going to last a month."

"Just how is the government going to use these coded messages?" Lois demanded.

"That's hard to say. Mr. Luthor gets a nice bonus for doing this and the government has their guinea pigs. Of course, this was supposed to stay under wraps until you two came along. The government has asked, and when they ask, there is no ask to it, that you not print this."

"What about the gun?" Lois asked. "One of Lex's goons was going to kill our friends."

"They were trespassing," the sergeant explained. "The goon was protecting a government secret."

Lois stormed out in anger. Clark followed closely behind.


	11. Chapter 11

Lois was cleaning up the apartment kitchen. That was the deal she and Chloe had. Chloe would cook if Lois cleaned up afterwards. She normally grumbled all the time she did it. She hated housework, but she was so happy to be back home that she didn't mind it right now. They'd only been gone a couple of days, but it felt like an eternity.

Katie had gotten a hold of her home phone number as well and had called 3 times since they got back. That number was going to have to be changed too. Katie had figured out that Clark was a senator's son. She had managed to get a hold of Mrs. Kent and Mrs. Kent, thinking she was Lois' friend, had given her the numbers.

She and Clark told Perry the story. He didn't like the situation, but he agreed about not being able to print it. He still gave them jobs at the Planet.

They'd run into a hitch with the annulment. They couldn't efficiently explain why they needed an annulment, since the story had to remain a government secret. To make it easier, they were going to get a divorce, which would take a little while but didn't present a problem as neither one of the were getting married in the near future.

Somebody knocked on the door, so Lois had to stop and answer it. It was Lana. "Lana, what a pleasant surprise," Lois said as genuinely as possible. "Do you want to talk to Chloe?"

"I'm looking for Clark. Is he here?"

"No. I haven't seen him since we got back yesterday."

"Oh," Lana said, but she didn't move away from the door.

"Do you want to come in?" Lois asked.

"Thank you," Lana said, coming in and dropping her coat on the couch.

"I'm sorry that you thought Clark and I were married for a little while there." Lois squinted and looked toward the bathroom Chloe was occupying. She thought she'd heard a giggle.

"Oh, I didn't even believe it when Mrs. Kent called and told me. I mean the whole thing is so ridiculous, I knew there had to be something to it."

Lois' attention focused back on Lana. "Ridiculous?" Lois asked defensively. "Why is it ridiculous?"

"Because it's you and Clark," Lana said with a smile. "You and Clark," she repeated slowly, thinking Lois hadn't gotten it.

"I heard you the first time," Lois snapped. She thought she heard another stifled giggle in the bathroom, but she was more worried about Lana right now. "There's nothing ridiculous about it. Clark and I could get married. In fact, we are. The divorce process hasn't been completed yet."

This time there was a very loud giggle. "What is that girl doing in there?" Lois asked. She opened the bathroom door. Clark and Chloe sat cross-legged on the bathroom floor watching something on Chloe's laptop. They looked up in surprise and Chloe quickly closed it.

Lana, who was curious, had come too. Lois looked at them with suspicion. "What are you two watching?"

"Um," Clark stuttered, desperately wracking his brain for an answer.

"Looney Tunes," Chloe answered. "You know how much Clark and I love that show, who doesn't? It cracks me up every time I watch it. 'Duck season. Rabbit Season' It's classic."

"Then why are you hiding it?" Lois asked. "And when did Clark sneak in anyway?"

"He has his ways," Chloe answered, "and who says we're hiding anything?"

"You're camped out on the bathroom floor and you shut it when I came in. That's called hiding it."

"Clark's embarrassed. He loves Elmer Fudd and he doesn't want anyone to know it."

Lois gave that some thought. That could be perfectly true. "Then let me see it." She said stepping further into the bathroom, Lana at her heels. They gathered around the laptop. "Turn it on."

"I really don't think that's necessary," Chloe said.

"Well, I do," Lois replied.

"You might as well show her," Clark said. "She'd probably find out sooner or later anyway."

Chloe sighed and raised it up and pushed play. Lois' face was one of shock and horror when she what was being played. It was her and Clark's fake wedding. They were at the part where Lois was lifting up her skirt to take out the rings.

Chloe laughed. "You did that at your wedding?"

Lois glared, sobering Chloe up. "It wasn't a real wedding and I had jeans on. I may be kind of tactless but even I wouldn't do that at my real wedding. Now hand over that disc."

"Just let me see the kiss first," Chloe begged.

"No," Lois said, reaching down to push the eject button, but Chloe managed to hold her off long enough to see the kiss and then she let Lois have it. Lois took the disc and threw it on the floor. She stomped on it with her shoe, effectively cracking it.

Chloe just shook her head. "You must think we're pretty stupid."

"Why?" Lois asked warily.

"That was just one of the copies Clark made for me," Chloe said with a smile. "I also thought it was worthy of youtube. This isn't the first time I've watched it actually, but it gets funnier every time."

Chloe jumped up and left the room at a brisk pace. Lois processing just what that all meant chased after her. "Chloe, get your butt back here. We're not through."

Clark chuckled.

"You love her, don't you?" Lana asked out of the blue.

"What?" Clark asked, looking up at her surprised.

"I can tell. It's in your eyes when you look at her. It's on that tape."

He sighed, "I know."

"For what it's worth, I'm happy for you. I thought you two were a couple, back when I first saw you guys together. You make a good pair and she'll realize that just like you did."

"I don't know. She wants that divorce pretty badly."

"The timing's wrong, the match isn't."

"Sometimes you surprise me, Lana. Thanks."

She smiled and left.

Clark opened up the laptop and went to youtube. Chloe hadn't been joking. He watched their fake wedding with a smile. Someday his ex-wife would be his wife again. He was sure of it.

The End


End file.
